this is me..

so overrr three years of not writing a thing in this, but maybe this is what i need to do right now. theres no way to summaraize what has happened in three years so il just focus on the right now. im dealing with some major depressive disorder shit. im not really happy about that , clearly that makes sense. but, i just turned 21 yesterday and was too upset to do shit so that gets me mad. and im not really in hte mood to do anything now. and despite everything theres one person who has added to this saddness. i was dealing with it prior to them but now theyve hurt me and im a lot owrse off. and of course im watching thenotebook, which is one of my favorite movies but then again gets me sad becuase i feel alone again. its not like this is publicised or anything at all anywhwere anymore.. but i just really dont understand what i do to fall for the ones tha end up hurting me. this is the scenario. i have been dating someone; it started out in contreversy (old favortie word.) but it turned into somthing good. ryan never wnated any sort of a title -i could tell i didnt push it, i had learned ya kno how to not get myself be that girl. eventually though i really fell for him. i really did. it was feelings a lot like love though we never said it to eachother.. but i can tell it is because of how sad i am now that hes hurt me. he took some girl (he met or she found him on facebok.. some weird shit.. slut?) to his formal (hes in a frat im in a sororoity now . cool. ) and dont we all love the internet.. and how greek life can make a school the size of a small city the size of a frat house; everyone knows what he did/and hwo hes acting.. i look oke a total loser and feel just as bad. actually 1000x bad. nad i know i should just be like FUCK YOU FUCK YOU FUCK YOU ryan. becuase thats what is the smart thing and thats what he deserves. im really not a bad person; i know im not. things like this always make me question myself though. like i put myself out there, a lot. and he knows that- he really knows a lot about me. and i thought i really knew him . im getting confused but i just wish i could snap a finger and be like " I FORGIVE u " and him be like im relaly sorry becuae i trelally dont understnad what im missing out on. " .. i just wish he cared teh same way i do </3.

so, ive decided to update this thing, its definitely been at least a year, maybe a little bit shorter, but definitely a while. i want to keep this thing going... alright last time was may 12, 2005, nearllyyy a full year ago. alright well i just read what i had written, and my life has changed TOTALLLLLY. first off. that was may 2005, towards the end of my junior year, that summer, i stupidly got involved once again w.... you guessed it chris! veryyy stuipd of me! i spent nearly 400 on a plane ticket to tampa, just to be sent home two days early b/c hte girl he was 'using' for her money came home and i couldnt be there... hmm... so thats when i finalllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllly realized what sort of an ASSSSSSSSSSSSHOLE christopher schaefer is. so the rest of the summer was a lotta fun. went back to harbor as a counselor, worked witht he BEST gropu ever! (yayy 2/3 girls ) then got ready for my senior year! so senior year started, mrs griffin fucked me over by makking me take precalc. ugh it realllly sucks and it totally killed my graduating w.a high honors diploma! anyway so senior year has been pretty crazy. ive rekindeled some old loves <333333 which were the best to begin w.anyway and ive gotten into 5 schools, waitlisted to 3 and rejected from one. the w/l ones were my top choices but next year at university of hartford ( yeahhh 2010! ) should be a goood time ! i wanna hardcore update this w.stuff so imma keep at it, i just dyed eggs and my hands are green && i feel gross. anyways il write later probally cuz loves being a poop and might not hang out w.me AGAIN tonight

you know you love me,

sara

i dunno if i could acutally fill you up on six months of my life in one day - i will tho. when school ends...



no one reads this anymore


when me & chris were like back together ... AGAIN ( what third time?! ) he read this and he thought it was sad like the shit entries w.all the stuff i went thro last year... primarily because of him - well ... yea he was like 'i cant believe i did that to you im so soryr baby il make it up to you one day" well wehns that day gonna come... now hes w.some sorority slut = GOOD ONE...


<3

yeah.. it's def been a while.. really only like a few weeks..but these past two have been crazy and full of a lot of news. lets go back.. well i got really good grades.. well not like omg yhour a genuis grades..but uh as babies knows i improved quitee a bit from last year.. i have a 3.4 but with some contreversial spanish deal it should be and maybve after talking w.senora will be a 3.5 :) the work load is getting tremendously ridiculous however and idk what im going to do.. whatev. so for the past 3ish weeks i had been hanging out w.rob a lot.. yeah we wer togehter.. it was pretty cool..but things started to take a turn for the worse.. well.. maybe not a turn for the worst in entireity but for me & rob.. chris came back into our lives... ohh boy yeah i know what your all thinking.. sara your a freakin idiot.. but whatever.. if your reading this hunnn.. people think im an idiot. :) me & him started tawking again and most of you know whats going on.. but to be fair and respectful to him since he hates these livejournal things.. i wont go into details of our conversations or our bussiness.. because it is that mine & his bussiness alone.. but to make this TREMENDOUSLY LONG & CONFUSING STORY SHORT... i'm praying for the best and hopefully christopher isnt bein a 'bonifide husseler' ( [; haha <3 ) and everything wil work out the way i hope/pray/wnat them too.. my heart and my head are in terrible confussion and i hope he knows that and i hope herealizes all this extra bs he puts me thro.. but i love it i love him :-/ still yeah i know im insane riight? but whatever when you all are truly in love.. come tawk to me.. aight? okay, cool. i jsut wishthat i was two years older or even that he was ayear younger bc then we both agree we'd definitely be together.. i care about himsoi much still and want to be happy, with him, together.. besides that whole bussiness.. life is okay school is insane as i mentioned earlier..and i think im quitting.. haha yeah right.. but the teachers are absofuckinlutely ridicoulus and dont seem to comprehend that a 900 page bookk is relaly long.. ( EFF U MR KUNST ) oh well.. this weekend was funn.. friday night i stayed home to get work done..but of course accompolished little in retrosepct ot hwat i had hope to accomplish.. saturday worked all day 10-6 then was joiend my CMACCCCCCCCCCC then lata erin & jeanne to find halloween costumes.. so tired by the end of that that we didnt even wanna go to the party..haha <3 which was fun.. sort of.. random / but fun.. a lil awkward too ( FUCK ALL OF YOU WHO JUST LOVE TO MAKE JOKES ABOUT THE LAST PARTY.. you suck :) ) but then yesterday was halloween and who really can concentrate on hwk when its hallolween..hey i ttried but i took my neices trick or treating ( oh yeah gonna have them up on the site when thro.. ) but then we went out to dinner aznd i gott really sick so i just didnt do work hswen we cme home and idndt go to school todya.. oh well firsdt time all year.. bpretty good.. imma go read ap euro but i'l write again soon..


babies, im gonnabe honest because honesty is the best policy,




a&f..





oh and rob_i'm sorry for everything that went on between us.. im sorry for the way you feel now..

yeahhh friday night i had work 5-close. it wasnt that bad had like 2 birthday parties, maybe and some amkeovers.. then i asked numba one if he wanted to hang out but he was workin til 12 and ya kno im totally allowed to go out after tweleve..well maybe that one time during the summer when me billy tori and some other randompeople went out to 7-11 and ttalked w.some biker dudes and then the beach at like 2.3o in the morning.. so yeah got home & watched tv w.my mom..then i was going to bed @ like 11.3o but SOMEONE kept txtin me til like 2.. dammit.. ;) hah jk ily.

then friday got up for work 10-6 looong day fuckers. yeah then went shoppin w.la madre for a lil bit then rob came & we went to his hosue but really joes house .. anyways he hates abercrombie :( lol hten we went and wtached the most amazingggest baseball game ( hellllllllllz yeah the yankees are a m a z i n g ) but he almost jinxed us into losing..thank god he didnt or i might have to stop being friends w.him.. hmm yeah i miss my GAYVONES and everyone from smithtown.. i'm talking to willl about my withdrawl feelings right now.

and ooooooooooooooooooooomgggg i can not W A I T to see my stephanie ! i miss her soo much ! ! yes.. hmm not sure whats goin on today .. hpefully tanning & nails. idk yet if not today deff tomorrow
g onna go take a showaaaa alone. :(
hha

<3

o m g the concerct last niight was amazingggggggggggggggggggggggggg so many amazinggg artists were thereee.. USHER of course.. hmm kanye P DIDDY ~?! wtf mate!?! amazing surprise... one that slutfacee ( aka - michelle ) hadnt told me about.. hmm maybe that was my special surprise! ) elephant man ! LuDA ! hm idk even kno ! hah oh yeah and christina milian..but do we care? honestly.lol so had some D R A M A w.the trip there .. my goddddddddddd amazingggg adventures ! lol so the trian we were suppposed to take never came.. so they sent these 2 school busses that we fought our way on to one of them and luckily managed to stay on..standing and smushed on the laps of strangers but we made it to hunnington wher then we made it to penn station.. then the concertttttttttttttttttt ! good god - thank you for usher ! .. then almost missed the train home cuz they switched the track like two minutes before we left so luckily met up back w.the whole group ( marta sean ojeda & her friend ) for the trip home.. yeah so got home around 2.. yeah didnt go to school for a fuckin half day. startin to talk to #1 again <3. hopefully things wil work out the way ther supposed to..but mans is stil ther :-/ idk whats wrong.. ahve work today..should be fun oh and my moms being a bitch.

<3 ~S~

ooh yeahhhh it was ushers birthday yesterday..and i S A N G to him ! <33333333

this weekend was horrible. saturday after work - majooooooooooooor mama drama after work saturday..and on sunday too.. then some more on monday.. i think its cooled down by now tho. in sucha confused state right now " im twisted cuz one side of me is tellin me to move on but the other side i wanna break down & cry" i prob quoted that wrong but i dont care right now. IM INTERRUPTING MY DRAMA for allt he motherr effing DRAMA ino ur lives right now.. so much bs over our livejournals.. and college sucks i dont ever wanna have to go thro leaving everyone bc thats when we all change hmm our whole 'circle' is going thro a lot right now i have no idea why its so segregated.. its really kind of between jeanne emily & becca.. even tho i feel me & becca have reasons also to be included.. but its between them and its between no one else..s tupid niggas shoudlnt get involved and cuase even mor drama

ooh fyi _ happyyyyyyyyyy 18th birthday laurrrrrrrrrrrrrrra lippppppppppppp - plian & simple - i love you

guys lets just stop this. life is overrwhelming me right now otherwise otuside of this drama.. physics suck.. so does precalc classes are jsut annoying this year. the PSATs tomorrow i dont know why im freaking out about them im doing alot better in english and i just gotta think i mean really think for math . :-/

im not tired to concencrate on this. just i dont know what to do .. i want to start something w.someone but then this otha nigga well he just has me wrapped around his finger and then stil makes me wnat them and well IF YOU NEED TO KNOW THIS YA KNOW


people change <3

this week was soo long. we had a test in e v e r y subjectt.. well cept ap pysch and physics but thats stil four tests plus we had a test and an essay in english so thats like two.. hmm monday had ballet but ms diane was in a biatchh mood so i wasnt happy bout that. on tuesday which is my loongest day of the week anywyas since i spend the entire morning in memorial witha block of ap pysch.. well tuesday i had w0rk for fourrr hours man so i got home and had to study for ap euro & english then shouldve started my ap pysch but was just to tiredd i was falling asleep. then went to bed at like 12ish.. it was a really emo day and when i first got home i talked to mans online and he was being a nice kidd then i was serioulsy crying myeyes out and hes like i promise we'll talk thursday.hmmm yeah right so anywyas wed had SAT class oh got my nails doneo n monday dont like the wya they turned outso hopefully they'll grow a lot by next monday hmm thursday.. bad day just a reallyy badd day.. not as bed as wednesday tho then yesterdayy..hmm schoool wasnt badd at all bc c i had a pre calc test which sucked but then mr hickey wasnt here for physics then mr kunst was the chapel speaker so we went to 1st chapel instead of 2nd to listen to him then came back for 1o mins and he had to go to 2nd chapel so we had a free..then pysch ended the mornign which is annoying but whatev..then lunch was good.. but i felt fat bc i aate it.. then had a free spanish (suckkked) and ap euro.. oh well so yeah that was my week had to stay @ school til the five then came home and did nothing for a bit.. talked to matt alot, random i know. yeah so i was pretty set on having to stay in for the night :/ then CMACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCC called whose my bfffffffffffffffff and then i got dressed and stuff then billy called from outsie bc hes afraid of my moom and is like im here so then we went to the parking lot and ther was some drama but it turned out okay because me & emily left my salad for a hungrey person. (: hmm yeah so came home watched some tv and slept downstairs w .the baby til like 3 then came up here and ive been waking up a lot like at four 6 7 now 8 and im up and i wasnt playin to get up for like another 2o mins dkfjaskfjkadlsj hate it when that happens anyways got libby lu from 10-6 hmm yeah this'll be funn.. so i gotta showerr & shiatt. i miss my babes.. i really do and idk whats been goin on w.him.. now billy understands .. Chances are theres stil a chance ;) haha


~ lata lovess..hmm yOo allread this why dotn you comment every Once in a while ~

so whats been going on lately.. some stupid ass baby hasnt & me havent been really talkin that much since monday.. hes so up & down..

~ you're all reading this............... i know you are........... leave some loveeeeeeee ~


anyways..thats a little upsetting..hopefully will this weekend tho bc i gotta buy tickets. schools been..eh same as usual nothing special. yesterday at like 6 in the mroing szomeone called then i found it was danielle and jenessa fell off the bed. danielle took her to the hospital ( and jon ) and then at like 1.3o my mom called a billion times. jenessa's in the hospital. she has 2 skull fractures on both sides of her head :-/ so then i was really worried for the rest of the day so then wehn school ended waitied for my mom to take me to the hospital.. she was in PICU .. it was lkike the saddest thing ever.. so many babies there w.cancer and so many sick and hurt children..i was in PICU myself 10 years ago ish.. its so sad. i stayed @ the hospital for six hours and i'm praying nothing weird happened over night. i realyy hope gods actualy out there.. thatd be nice.

i'l talk to you later

i love you, i'm sorry for that, but it's the truth.

~ peaceeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee out ~

eh so week has been blah thus far. sunday nightt had a nicee long conversation w.mans :) make me very happy <-- gotta get outta that languagee! so we talk very longg time then he said that i should call him laterr..and i stil had homework to do so i went and did that.. and called him laterr but he was shaving and hten going to do laundy and he has to be up madd early for rotc shitt so then he sai il try really ahrd to call you bak.. so i went to bed around 11.15 and then he hadnt called so my alarm starts to go off and thats when i unplug my cell form the charger..and its ringing? and its mr christopher w.a wake up call!? wtf mate!? i missed those.. ya know i didnt even use an alarm clock last year! hah. so hmm..yeah that was nice.. school was blahhh .. not any worse then it could've been. i had no testst o study for so thats always a relife.. oh wait yes i did i had to study for ap pysch ..but besides that it wasnt that harsh.. then hmm.. i went to BALLET <-- big drama before i wnet into the class i was like having a nervous breakdown but it was on flat so it wasnt bad and i actually had fun w.my partner lauren haha. hmm then came home studieddd and i did good today i think only one wrongg ! and maybe like one t hing on the table.. then school was blahh as usual..cept i got so little hwk and i finished it before i came home. one tree hill is on tonightt yayyyy and hopefully getting a call from mans too ! .. jsut another thing.. dho was the first to notice something today_it means a lot that she cares, dho-bff :)

okayy yeah i know not much to say.. I REALYYYYY Gotta put up picturess! muchh love

soconfusedbyyOo*

^^ ooh the language of jeanneeeeeeeeeeee courtneyyyyyyyyyyyy and now me. yesterdya was a lotta fun. i went pumpkin pickin w.jeeg & cmac and jeannes familyy out east .. so much fun we eat corn , take lots of pictures..and i buy gourds! haha so then we came backk home and i'm jeannes parents favorites.. bc i wanted to go tot he olive garden and not the diner ( like some two niggas i know... ) and so did mrs hennessy so we went to the diner then stopped really quick at jeannes house then we went to courtneys then we had some drama w.our plans but eventually got to the parking lot and then ended up at chris rosenmens ( oohh cant wait for the tourrrrrrrr hah <3 ) then we drove back to the parking lot w.erin now and we had six people in a car made for four.. i sat on pullitos lap in the front <-- i wouldve seriously been dead if we had an accident..thank god we didnt. so then got ther and ryan eventually drove us home.. we then went to the kitchen ccuz we fat asses but me & courtney just wanted some green popcorn ( ohh my nails are fine now, thanks. ) and then jeanne & erin made DISGUSTINGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG raman noodles. god damm i hate those things.. ha then we went and watched MEAN GIRLS finallllllllllllllllllllllyyyy ! and i wasnt the first to fall asleep ! haha. ohh boy those titanic nights.. ; ) it was acutally a pretty good movie. so towards the end ryan came home and he chilled w.us til like 4.3o .. we watched nick GAS which has all the retro nickeoldian shows like NICK ARCADE and SUPER SLOPPY DOUBLE DARE <-- fuck yeah mustard blowholes !! haha. softball team next year? what?! hmm yeah that was a lotta fun .. so i fell asleep im assuming around 4.45ish and we had to be up at 8.. oh yeah that mile run thing so much fun guyss and SO worth our time.. hah then came home an had a clarifying day w.my mother.. i dont want to go into details with it now..but well some of you may know (mans<3) but it was a pretty emo day. talked for a loong time w.mr christopher today (: i enjoyed that. wehns that stupid nigga gonna come to his senses yo?! honestly, god. in all seriousness.. enough of this baby bussiness (: ily. hehe hmmm so ap euro test tomm notttttttt excited about that one. kinda did a largee portion of my studyin for that while watching the e! tru hollywood story of SNL and then the first 2o 1oo greatest moments of it.. amazing show. gotta love it.

okayy honestlyy when are these stupid nigga ass gavonesssssssssssssssssss [coughcoughinsanepyschofreaksfrompj..coughcough] gonna get a life and stop lookin at my pro becuase..hmmmmmmmm i dont even know they asses ! good god. anyways.. probally off to bed soon. maybe a phone call from mans i dunno i dunno if we'll have enough time
fyi_will farrel-mylove. <33333

TORI KOKE_ blk&whitesmile.. missed u so much this weekend nigga stupid miscommunicationssssssss 18 dyazz biatchhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh w00t. for usher & kanye

aight kids im out



143*dedicated hehe.

so i havent written in a whilee...
but whatev its back for now.. i think i wrote like a week ago.. 9-11 was that a week ago? lol.. anywya.. so yeah no that was two weeks ago.. anyway ive been in a really confused/upset state lately.. idk why i mean if ur smart and can see the dates.. 9.19 has come and gone. i really do stil have feelings for the kid..big ones yo.. and i haver been finding some things out taht make me feel disgusted w.him but ya cant help ya heart ya know? i believe in destinY so if we're meant to be .. it'll happen..and hmm you all know the " poem " lol.. anyways.. hmm other big news I MISS MY GAVONESSSSSSSSSSSS cant wait to see them tomm ! <3. fcukin GAY fo lyfe yo.. jeanne courtney emily & tori_ im so gladd i became really close w. you this summer. you girls mean so much to me. school sucks..because well i miss my friends also bc stony brook's kids are realyy gay..ooh well. hopefully i'l do good this year im really trying hard. :/
colleges are starting to visit and im going to visti them i got his "select candidates" invitation .. the schools right by tampa so im spending a weekend down ther w.him.. again :/ hopefully taht wont be baddd.. anyways i cant wait for that
got an interview at libby lu ..lol yeahh come visit if i get a job ther :)


im otu for now bc my tips ( oh got the 'claws' abck as someone has said..<3mans ) so it sannoying to type babysitting tonight and tommorrow is a day w.my GANA <----- bffffffffff


leaveeeeeeeeesomeloveeeeeeeeee
oooh got rid of the stalkerrrrrrrrrrrrr hahahahhaha

first off before i begin id like to say that nobody should ever forget today. It's September 11th. it seems to me like it doesnt even faze anyone anymore.. i saw nothing on the news even like oh lets remeber today..nothing in the paper.. big deal its been three years? - lemme know what you guys think about that.. anyways.. its been a while.. as most of you know im not going or in smithtown. :'( i miss everyone so freakin much. in ways i am gladd im back at the brook.. i mean well only really brookers would know this but .. hmm yeah stony brook is like our home :o/ yeahh it sucks but its true.. plus im in really good clases ( not enjoying them wise..but academically ther aiight ) and hopeflly this year wil turn out better then ( most ) of last year did.. nothing really bigs been going on.. oH i havnet wrriteen since like PIMPS & HOEZ..good god. thats probally the only two words i have to say. BILLY_ amaazing party adn im so sorry about what happened..shes a nigga what can i say - even tho i dont really remeber..umm.. part of the party.. it was an amazing way to end the summer with my new best friends. [ courtney, jeanne, emily, billy, will, john (partner), pullito, jOHNKORTMAN ! haha ] and so many more.. this summer wouldnt have been the same without you. thanks so much for making it what it was. OMFG i miss my gavones sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo much. i just got a message from courtney & jeanne and it was so great. i think im going to cry _ oh fyi we gotta redo my vmail again. haha. im in school every day alone without you guys and i just cant wait til im allowed to see you again ! i miss you like woah ! emilys amazing too. haha. hmmmmmmm yeah so after that night.. its been pretty boring / stressful. im grounded until.. hmm ii dunno when and that weekend i read like 4 books in two days.. yeah its impressive. went to a yankee game last weekend with the old man. <3 # 2 <3 the game was honestly won only because of him with his amazingggggggggg stealing skills and his 3 runs ! <33333333 then hmm.. monday o'staff shit all day tuesday o'staff shit alll day and then wed. school started. its so weird w.o the seniors..i keep calling hte now seniors juniors and us the sophmores.. class challenges was a lotta fun even tho we shoulda won those damm seniors suck .. we all know it. ha well we beat the REAL team to beat last year so.. hah yeah. anywyas even tho some people are getting on our nerves........ coughcough dho you know who im talking about....... and i only have 2 classes w.my 2 best friends there.. hopefully itll turn out good. today was lisas sweet sixteen.. soooo much funn i dont know whats going to happen to me without dance in my life. ! happy birthday li !

now that ive basically told you whats going on id just like to say that i hate my life. it really does suck. i dont enjoy it anymore.. a select few know all the reasons why but im just feeling like theres no hope of me ever being truly happy again.. more on that later because this nigga is tired.

- ill try and update more often.. peace otu ya GaNa !













missing yOo like woah!_iloveyOoforever..

xYOUxSUCKxBUTTx: if it wasnt for your taxes there would be no smithtown highschool
sweet beLLa 999: hahaha
xYOUxSUCKxBUTTx: they're pretty much obligated to listen to you


dho im going to miss YOU so much ! well ya never know.. why the hell are the people bein such niggas poepole






ohh - thank you for everyone who did the thing.. <3

no one ever reads this.. so im sure no one will comment.. but if ya feel like it.. go for it nigggggggggggggggggggggggggas

1. who are you, what's our relationship:

2. how and where did we meet:

3. what's my middle name:

4. how long have you known me:

5. tell me one good thing about myself:

6. when you first saw me what was your impression:

7. my age:

8. my birthday:

9. my favorite band at the moment:

10. color of my eyes:

11. do i have any siblings:

12. what's one of my favorite things to do:

13. describe me in 3 words:

14. name 5 things i love:

15. do you think i'm good looking:

16. how would you describe me to someone:

17: what do you like most about me:

18: if we could spend a day together what would we do:

19: have we ever gotten in a fight:

20: do you think we will be friends for at least 3 or 4 more years:

21. Give me a nickname and explain why you picked it?

22. What do you think my weakness is?

23. Do you think I'll get married?

24. What reminds you of me?

25. If you could give me anything what would it be?

26. When's the last time you saw me?

27. If I was an ice cream flavor, which would I be and why?

28. What song (if any) reminds you of me?

29. If you could change one thing about me, what would it be?


GOODGOD- i hope i get to go out w.my bffffffffffff jeanne hennesy to night ! haha

anyways.. so the 28th was saturday yes? .. whatd we do .. hmm .. ha i just talked with courtney & we went to toris. pretty good time.. me.. cmac.. jeanne tori of course liz .. this kid brandon who was visitin cmac ( good god ! lol. ) um HENNEBERRY tripp and toris bf gerad.. haha oh & billy later.. me & jeanne didnt care waht people sayd so then we almost died..and im not even kidding. no one cared cept for billy & courtney. it was a lotta fun. billy took me home because we rock nissequgoue but first we went to 7-11 and now the guy ther thinks im billys bithc.. haha. so sunday was the padres bday celebration (hisb days really today.. good thing i reminded myself to call him* lol )so yeah we were SUPPOSED to do the whole hamptons thing but we didnt.. so i was pissed..not a good day. so then got home in time for the VMAs started to watch but then billy said he was picking me up at 9.20 so i watched only for a lil so then he came we got jeanne & courtney (emily was in anmish country) and then went to this horrible party in commack..haha sorry buddy. then came back to billys and then i got in trouble then i went home. talked ot some cool niggas online.. and then heard the turkish march.. then got of iwth that @ like 2.3o then i was woken up by my favorittttttttttttttttttttte GAYvones i love them we went out to breakfast @ the blt which was like an oven bc hte ac tired to kill courtney then we brought jeanne home then back to cmacs for some hardcore native son hah ayeahh right we watched a movie about some belieumc girl .. yeah it was pretty badd then idk then went out to dinner w.my mom @ friendlys hah then came back here then to billys..lol funn stuff i love my best friends. then today i went to teh fuckin high school and they were really pissing me off- they want to put me in like regular classes..i have to like fight for damm aps - we'll see what happnes bc i talked to mr singer ( he calle.d.fun ) and um yeahh he said hed try & help me.. not to sure wahts going on tonight yet.. port jeff maybe? wtf mate!? lol. yeahh ohh fyi - im making a new webshots link so i can tput all my new pictures up :) :) :) :) :) :)


okayy and ps - i also <3 joe.. i know your looking out..but how sad is it to be betrayed by someone you love & trust? :/ so different to everyone..

okay peace out.

havent updated in a while because this week has been pretty uneventful.. courtney my bffbgana4L was not here she was in canada.. so :( umm was in trouble a lot this week..hah went to the mall by myself.. parking lot - nothing too big. christopher is doing good down in tampa.. in case anyone cares. went to bobby mos w.dance girlies wed - that was fun. jellyfish=gay. and i dont mean gangsta ass youngin gay. lol. umm.. pretty much nothing. hah

i hate this family and everything about it - two more years til i can move out !! - ooh fyi - brian pilnacek your so fuckin dumb & so shitty. ya patehetic.

anyways tonight -either billys cousins partyyyyy which wuold eb fun or somethign w.my gay girls. <333333333 i love you guys

operation GPLS <3 fore lyfeeeeeeee- mUnkeygriffae ya nigggggggg


spent a lot of time w.my neice this week. i love her so much. i cant wait til my brother comes home. i miss him so much. anyways not sure whats going on tonight and i really dont have anything to say - yeahh SMITHTOWN - in a week and two days? getting my classes tuesday its gonna be so much fun.

<3 forever.

biLLiejeAnsLuver: ugh no lol...i dont like the fact that im going there...
biLLiejeAnsLuver: everyone who i met there either had a burberry jacket...or was dreaming about having a burberry jacket
biLLiejeAnsLuver: personally, i dont want a burberry jacket
biLLiejeAnsLuver: so where do i fit in?

yeahh so just to get this off my mind: i didnt get to see chris before he left..and it hurts. i worked really hard on something as some of you know but i didnt get to see him to give it to him.. :/ it upsets me but it was out of my hands i guess. both of us as of right now are without cars hah abecasue ya know thats something new for me? ;) but wahtever.. he siad i could coem down & visit him for a 'college visit' i was giong to a lot this year anyways..but thats if hes not with that girl kim i dont wanna be bothered with it . hah. so yeah we didnt get to talk much yesterday bc it wasa tre busy day and todya i was worried bc of the weather & just about him so i called him at like four - he had just landed and was in the airport.. he said oh i was just gonna call you in like fifteen minutes which made me happy and hes calling me back later.. 'he promises..' anyways so wed i slept at cmacs we watched the virgin suicides -g ood movie. but i fell asleep like a nigga like 2o mins before it ended so then cmac woke me up but then we went to bed. then we woek up and watched unsloved mysteries for 2 hours because its an amazing show and then chilled for like another two hours. then.. i DROVE all the way home from courtneys house ! hah i know thats a frickin big drive right ther happague to nissequogue..ooh yeah so then came home and did nothing but then i drove me & melisa and my mom to the mellinum diner and then i dROVE myslef to rebeccas..in the PITCH black.. a guy gave me the finer.. hah yeah oh well. then wwe watched the olympics go carly ! haha and then we watched the virgin sucides bc i didnt see the ending.. i fell asleep but rebecca woke me up at almost the exact part i fell asleep at haha but i stil had missed like a crucial part so then we went to bed and hten we got up & had bagels & mini chocolate cookes that we baked which were really good. then we watche dunslove dmysteries bc im telling you that show is effing amazaing then i went home. but i didnt get to drive so then came home & read some and then whatever me cmac & michelle and melisa wer gonna go see the exorcist beiging but stupid fandango wasnt working and by the time we got ther it was sold out so we went to marshells and bought n ice sweatshirts for like 2o bucks and the cashier was thsi girl nikki who i use dto go too scholl w/ & dance but shes a fat whroe haha and whatever thenw es saw little black book - eh not soo good.oh well eyah then friendlys _ fuckin good times . i <3 my friends. but chris left today whcih was bittersweet - todayalotta mamadrama haha but idk over it now - jsut i wish life would start makin sense soetime soon. ya listenin up ther? ;)






iloveu - peace out.

yeah so yesterday was a lotta funn.. did nothing for a bit then i went out with my mom because she was heading towards happague whcih was near cmac. so yeah then we went & got mcdonals & brought it abck to my cousin allysons house and i spent time with my bryce & brody & brayden.lol. then after i left we went & got cmac then came back here then we talked to some cats online including babes who showed me the new car he wants..and its nice. same as the old one mor sporty tho.. then we went to billys emily & jeanne were there..then tori came..then laura & leah. :) yeah sot ehn it was just us and then we went out and did some things.. got to hear my turkish march like three tiems so i was happy but not to happy bc of the content of the conversation and it wasnt the right time to be on the phone. so we were on lake banging on the chineese guys window then we went to carvel bc he wouldnt let us in.. we were dancing in the parking lot and then emily & laura disappered across the street so i started blowing leahs lifeguard whistle to find them.. i was the only one concerned.. so then i asked laura to take me across the street so we did then we started running.. to wendys! lol. but we got to mcdonals & laura really had to pee so we tried getting in but it was locked so we walked thro the drivethrou and they woudlnt talk to us in the box so we went up to the window but ther wer some cars and laura really had to pee so .. she went in the woods <-- shes amazing at it haha i stood guard. so yeah then we got back on line and wer stuck between cars so the car in front of us started watching a movie and they wer talking to us and yeah it was cool then we got our water.. then we went back to carvel and to our surprise will and billy & john and whoeve else had payed psycho mike ( me& laura saw him on on our run ) and so laura got in the car cuz she was scared so then we all went to *bucks parking lot for a little bit & me & laura & leah played a search game . haha it was fun. then we had to go home me & cmac went w/leah & laura. and emily & jeanne went w/billy. im sohappy i met laura & leah bc they rock :). todya i went to hte dentist.. and i got to see my neice. :)

dont know whats goin on tonight <3

































ii miss you so much.. its always yOo. hope to see you before saturday. :\